More About Usha!

Growing up, I realized that being "good" entailed many things. Being a good daughter required doing the house chores, not arguing or fighting with siblings, being gentle, keeping my anger at a minimum, not talking back to adults, and not asking for much. Likewise, being a good student required not getting in trouble at school, doing all the homework, being well rounded, getting good grades, and somehow showing myself to be better than others. There was a role in all of that where I had to be better than others, and I thought how hard that was....

 

I thought I was pretty but there were so many pretty girls. I thought I was smart but there were so many smart girls. Boys were seen to be in a different lane, not part of the competition. I could not get my head around this competitive nature that was a part of my family, my culture, and my environment. By adopting this mentality, I tried to be what was expected.... because if I did not, how could I still be worthy of love? Would I still be loved if I defiled all the rules that were expected of me?

 

I wanted to know, but to let go of what I was holding on to was hard. Seeing the setbacks my siblings experienced for going against their expected positions, I felt that breaking the unspoken rule would result in a similar form of punishment. Even after becoming an adult, I did my own thing which somehow seemed to please my parents as well (as it mostly aligned with what they wanted for me), I knew that there were some things I could do which my parents could hate me for. I longed to be loved unconditionally and felt that the love I received wasn't unconditional.

 

Unconditional love, however, is not something that you can just receive randomly from anyone else. When you begin to look into exactly what is unconditional love, you will see how rare it is to have that in your life. Unconditional love is defined as "affection without limitation" or "love without conditions." When we observe our world, we can note how scarce this is to have, to experience, and to even give out.

 

Think for a moment of the worst thing that you could do in your life, right now. When you give into the darkness and do something that even you are not proud of. By acting on impulse, you let yourself down and the people you love. Who among your loved ones despite being disappointed, would still choose to remain by your side? Is there anything you could do that would stop them from loving you? From being part of your life? Unconditional love is to love someone despite their mistakes, failures, to accept them regardless of their actions. And that is hard to do and equally hard to find.

 

My focus was on receiving love, somehow trying to be enough, and by doing so, I ended up not prioritizing me. All my thoughts diverted towards others, but the most important of all the question was: how was my relationship with myself? How did I see me? Did I really think I was not enough? Despite being aware of my freedom and enjoying my free will, I held on to the feelings of fighting to be enough, to do enough, and to be good enough to be loved. All these internal questioning, self-observation, further studying, and finally being involved in the world of positive psychology and life coaching led me to my answers.

 

There was no need for me to try so hard: I already was enough. There was a child inside me who wanted to be loved unconditionally, not knowing that there was already somebody loving me unconditionally, and that person was, to begin with, me. Despite the mistakes, failures, inadequacies that are part of the human experience, I still held on to me. Yes, I was highly critical, judgemental, unforgiving towards myself, but I chose to live, love, and persevere through life. All the love I was so willing to give to others, I just had to dedicate some of that love to myself first, then I would be able to extend that love and compassion I experienced to others. Through understanding what it means to love and have compassion for myself, I could love better, understand others, and share the joys and sorrows of life like never before. Although we each have our own narratives, our stories, and an adapted internalized way of being, impacting our way of living our lives, we also have the capacity for change, the potential to rise past the barrier, and see the light. Everything that we desperately want, we already have. The only question is: how do we access that? Life coaching is a safe space dedicated to unlock your suppressed potentials, to identify your demons, to embrace both the light and the darkness as they are both part of our lives.

 

Having a safe space to pour out the words from the story I had been telling myself my whole life, identifying the source, understanding how I internalized the concept that I needed to work hard to be loved, was my healing process. Previously, I was trying to prove that I was enough to be loved, by working for it, not realizing that I already was enough. That I am the person who can decide whether or not I am enough. I was made beautifully with endless details and affection, and have infinite possibilities laid out for me. Even as I know my potentials better than I ever did before, I also am aware that there is so much I am still uncovering daily.

 

I want to support others unlock that potential within themselves, to turn their uncertainties into potentials; judgment to acceptance, experiences of holding back to dreaming and achieving; goals to reality; and criticism to compassion.